i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
