Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
