Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
