I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
