R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
