help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
