Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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