We're like a lot better than the average bears
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
