i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
