she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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