you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
