I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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