You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
