Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
