Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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