just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
