you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
