if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
high people should be assigned attendants
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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