i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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