ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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