I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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