just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
