You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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