I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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