Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
