party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
