I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
