I'll bet she douches with gravy.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
