she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
