question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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