how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
