Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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