haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
