guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
