When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
