left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
