so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
