dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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