Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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