that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
