well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
