I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
