Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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