i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
