i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
