i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
