Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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