Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it's great music for shaving your balls
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
