dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
