This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
