I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
