hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
