Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
