How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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