Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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