Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
