She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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