xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
