just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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