dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
