how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Even my vagina gasped.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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