We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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