I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
